Caribbean Premier League - 1st Semi-Final: Red Steel v Tallawahs at Port of Spain on Jul 23, 2015
Well folks, after Providence decided to open her heaven’s gates and let loose a whole heap of rain pon the galvanized rooftops of the stadium in Guyana, I decided to catch a flight so that I could reach Port-of-Spain early, early for this upcoming 1st semi-final. But mek I tell unu datz how is no way should you believe 'twas an easy matter! No Windians and Windiannas no way was it easy for me to reach pon that airplane out of Timehri International Airport like how you sit down now reading these here words
I beg you pardon? Timehri name get changed long, long time ago... So what?! Don’t you think I know that! And if I know that and yet still choose to call that place by it’s Amerindian name, who the heck are you to insinuate, even in the privacy of your own mind, that I should call the airport by it’s new name?!
So in this account Timehri it shall be! Alright?! Good! (I hope Rev and he people dem ain’t vex more bad
)
Where was I?
Oh yes. Well, having read the portents and seen that the match would be called off without a ball being bowled, I mek a call to say that is head I want to head to the airport immediately. As was a T20 match I did check out of the Pegasus Hotel in the morning (you notice that this Greek theme keep cropping up?) before I left for Providence.
The journey to the airport was ‘uneventful’ till we pull up outside the departure terminal. And is then that things start to get interesting. But before that I hafi let allyuh know that when the driver tell me the fare I had was to cuss him off, telling him that from the amount of money he calling for, it sound like I hire-purchasing the whole damned vehicle in one blasted instalment rather than paying a taxi fare! I had to ask him if he think seh dat I come from overseas fully loaded for extortion! But even as I cussing him you should see me nervously patting down my pockets dem to get some idea is much thickness my wallet still was carrying. The man seh it will be $500,000 dollars for the short drop from Providence to Timehri! I telling allyuh there wasn’t anything just about that fare.
Anyway, as I reach the airport in one piece I decide to pay him. I know that you all wondering why for all my big mouth I fork out all that money even though I felt - no I knew full damned well - that I was being taken for a ride. Well listen me good people, if allyuh did sit in the mini-bus with me and see all them bad-john looking types that he did waving off and beep, beep, beeping his car horn at as we pass through them villages on the way, I bet you too would a pay every single cent. I did not fancy being a kidnap victim after that washout game; providence or no providence. Anyway, what was funny though is that when I reach the full amount he demanded that I pay, counting off the bills one-by-one out of my wallet and into his sweaty palms, I see that his hand still open! You should of heard the kiss-teeth that I let-off in my mind when I clock that is tip he expect me to tip him! What! Well my momma - God rest her soul - did not raise any fool!! So between gritted teeth I tell him thanks for bringing me safe; grabbed my luggage in my two hands and bolt right out of that taxi and start to head for the departure terminal.
No sooner did my foot touch the ground than I see a group of red-caps dem making a bee-line towards me! Lawd! Now look, when you reach Timehri and them red-cap fellas approach you offering to carry your luggage into the airport terminal, you hafi summon all your courage to refuse. But refuse I did. I look them big-skin chaps square in the face one by one and in my best english tell them, “That will not be necessary, I can manage for myself”. Luckily for them they get the message because is anyway one of them did tek a step nearer to me, I was well ready to unload my Gray Nicholls bat from my kit bag and wield it like a cane-cutter form Canje, left, right & centre amongst them with grievous intent! Of course they didn’t know that so you should see my dreads flowing behind me like flags flying in a stiff breeze as I mek the quick dash to reach inside the terminal building
I fancy that I did look like Sir Geoffrey Boycott ensuring that is not he would be walking back to the pavilion in completion of a sharp single,
Inside the airport I joined the first queue to get my boarding pass. NO i don’t have explosives or dangerous chemicals nor bullets (adding that NO my name is NOT Andre, you should see how the lovely East Indian girl look confused, confused and tek another glance at my passport to confirm that last bit). Thankfully, all was well and so I join another slightly more orderly queue to cross the last hurdle but one out of that wonderful Land of Many Waters. As I moving forward I get the impression is like everybody know everybody else because is a lot of back-slapping and hugging and thing was carrying on amongst my fellow departees; but me one stand alone with my two piece of luggage taking it all in.
As I look around I see a fella standing in a GDF uniform and a big, big gun sling over his shoulder. I felt seh that he did reckon he was striking a pose of alert vigilance; but I was not at all sure about him. Why? Yes he had on a military uniform, but as I look him from head to foot I notice that was a pair of trainers the man was wearing! Army fella in sneakers! Ain’t that would look suspicious to you?! So I decide to keep an eye on him, just in case he in disguise and looking for a ‘likely kidnap candidate’. To reinforce my own state of heightened personal security I decided to tek out my cricket bat and shadow some forward defence and hook shots and thing just to give him the message that I too deh pon alert!
(allyuh should know that i didn’t unfurl the ‘Canje Moves’?! No way, those are classified as distilled special reserve, a bit like some of dem rare, rare Guyana rum)
Anyway, just as my turn reach and I striding forward to passport control I hear a bit of a commotion behind me, but as a Dread is only forward I deal with so I just keep on stepping. Suddenly though the place get quiet, quiet and a loud voice burst out, “Oh scunt howzdat is you dat!”. Talk about shock I get in shock
. But I didn’t give the game away. Eyes front and walk I keep walking till I feel a big hand grip my shoulder and spin me around.
As I ride with the spin, simultaneously my right hand reach for the handle of the Gray Nicholls bat in my kit bag (in that split second I felt like am the Ysabel Kid reaching for the Smith & Wesson in its’ holster worn cross-draw style pon mi waist) but just as I was formulating which of the ‘Canje Special Reserve Moves’ I was going to unfurl in self-defence I spot is who grabbing me.
Lord have his mercy, I think to myself. Is then for the first time that I meet up with
this fella and is escort I get an escort all the way to the plane and or the entire journey to Piarco International Airport.
Yes, we reach safe and I am making this post from my hotel room. Is how many hours to go before the match? Am so excited and damned glad I decide to reach early.
...outfield materials my a$$. Dem aint hear 'bout concrete 
Stuuuupssss
